As I Run Through The Days

Thank You, O Lord
For everything in my life
As I run through the days
Founded by Your love for us
How You touched me in ways
No one else ever can
I renew my faith in You
In all my daily prayers
Running to You
Seeking Your gentle touch
Never will I forget
How You've never abandoned
Or forsaken me in times of need
Forgive me, O Lord, my sins and trespasses
As I walk the path You've laid for me
Amen

Something I wrote almost 3 years ago, in July 2004 to be exact. Around the time I started to come back to God after so many years of running away from Him. Sometimes, now, I do find myself doing that. Especially when I feel desperately insecure or lonely. I would do things to keep myself busy, like hit the arcade or go catch a movie alone. Therapies that only last a short while before the feelings come back to haunt me over and again. It's painful, to say the least. For one who often think back to the past hurts and brood over them, it's slow torture. And I admit, it does inhibit what I think about the future ahead. Makes me feel, well, lousy... to put a word to it. Low self-esteem, insecurity, temper, impatience... List seems to go on. Just feel that I need someone I can depend on in my life, someone who just will not let me down regardless of the circumstances, who will always be there in times of good and bad.

Such times, I will think of the Lord. Sometimes immediately, sometimes only after brooding for a while. I need to continue to trust in Him more, especially for my future. Trust in His timing for the things He has planned for my life. I know He will never let me down, I know that He is forever faithful, even when I seem to lack in faith. I guess it's human nature to be distrusting after being hurt so many times before. With God, I need to trust Him more. But yet sometimes, I do hold back and stand still there. Could be that I've not yielded myself completely to Him. I guess, I can only pray, that His tender mercies will always be present in my life... and that He'll lead me to beside the still waters...

I guess, I've been bottling up too many things recently. Stress from my exams still need an outlet to be released, some recent hurts, and some thoughts about the future as well. Need to let it all out, and just cry out to God. Just.. let Him take care of my life, because I know He cares for me. Now, I just don't know what to write anymore. Just kept crying and just want to be in His presence. So I guess this is goodnight...

"Do good to your servant, and I will live; I will obey your word. Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. I am a stranger on earth; do not hide your commands from me. My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times." Psalm 119:17-20