Drowning my sorrow in words
Kinda depressing title, I know. In between trying to get my clients/prospects to call me back to set up appointments, I had to endure meeting postponements, cancellations, and suggestions from within my own house to consider doing this part time and go find a 'proper' job. And these are supposed to be the norm that comes with the job. It's really getting to me of late, and I'm barely holding it all together at the moment. Guess my boss was right when she pointed that I've been carrying around a lot of baggage that has yet to be discarded. I'm still carrying a lot of emotional baggage and scars from my final year in SIM, which I still somehow am still holding on to. I think I've blogged quite a bit of it in the past and I've no wish to lament on it any further here. Suffice to say, some of those things are still happening today, even as recent as a couple of days ago. I've been trying to develop a heart for forgiveness, but it's not easy. Kinda akin to a roller coaster ride. I'm still trying to let it all go, but words spoken by the ones closest to me still ring in my ear. There are times when I contemplated quitting my job so that I can appease them a bit and stop the nonsensical muttering that's coming from them. But frankly, I'm not sure of where I can go, then. Having no honours in a direct honours degree (thanks in part to them) and the current economic climate really puts a damper in one's job options. I don't know.. just kinda rambling on right now. What I feel I can only do now is pray that the Lord will somehow change my heart, and point me in the direction I should walk.
Edit (09/03/09): Ok, that's too much rambling, I guess. I also have to find someway to change, not just my own attitude but also the relationships at home. There is always more than one way to react to any situation, and I have to remind myself not to react negatively. A talk with a good friend today helped to elevate my mood. Still, there's a lot to improve upon and seek God for. And I pray that His strength and wisdom will be with me in this period of time as I move on in the days ahead.
"When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Colossians 3:4
