Strength and Peace

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the peace that reigns in me
You are the reason that I live
You are the refuge that I seek
Nothing can seperate me from
This love that You give to me
Strength and Peace - Andrew Yeo (Cornerstone Community Church)

Really find this song meaningful in the last couple of weeks. It's been a long 20 days since I've last blogged here. So many things happened, it might take a while to write everything down. I'll try and see what I can write down here. Might be a long blog, so do bear with me.

Exams started on the 10th of May, and so far, 2 papers are down, 3 more to go, with the next being on tuesday the 23rd. Praying hard for God's grace that I can pass the 2 that I've already sat for, and for the other 3 as well. Been feeling stressed up of late. Mainly due to exams and the pressure of time before the papers. Was really stressed up the night before the ISDM paper. Looked really dazed as I left school with Joyce and Eliz to head to clementi for dinner after studying with them till 930 at the student lounge. Dinner at 10+ was a quiet affair, well, for me. The other 2 were chatting all along. Was really tired out at that moment in time. Was smsing and eating at the same time then. Not a really nice dinner. Joyce (or was it Eliz??) commented it looked like I'm having breakfast, as I was having fried kuay teow and some nasi lemak type dishes. We all chatted a while till like 1115 before we headed to the bus interchange for our respective buses home.

ISDM paper was a sort of killer, to me I feel. Was trying to remember stuff, and spent some time stoning in the hall trying to recall. Oh well, it's over. Got the shock of my life after I came out of the hall and turned on my hp. My sis left me a voicemail saying that my dad's admitted to SGH for a heart attack. Was pretty dazed and drained when I came out of the hall. This piece of news really woke me up. Colin was with me when we took the train. Emotions threatened to overwhelm me on the train to Tanah Merah. Colin suggested we get off and get a cab down to the hospital. He dropped me off then headed to bugis. Thanks bro. Really appreaciate the gesture. Will return you the cab fare soon. Thank God my dad's condition was detected early and thus, his condition is now stablised. A big thanks to all those who kept my dad in prayer over his condition ü Just keep praying for a speedy recovery for him.

Did I mention I'm getting stressed out? Trying to rush my revision, worried bout my dad, handling my emotions and being patient and trying to endure it, and trying to get rid of my cold/gastrics. Trying to handle it all, but I know that I can't handle it alone. Need God's strength and His grace to accomplish it all. God's faithfulness and goodness is always there, I just have to take hold of it, and lean on His strength. Thanks to Terence, Emily and others who have been encouraging me all this while to seek the Lord. Admittedly, felt really down the last couple of weeks. Mainly cos of my gastrics and not getting a grip on the emotions in me. Felt my faith dropping during this period in time. I guess I was too dependent on my own strength and understanding and not on God's. Am changing that now. Still feel weak and tired/stressed out. But there's more peace now than in the last couple of weeks. Even though there are still things that are unsettled, especially my emotions for now, but I'm going to put my trust in Him to see me through. For I know He works all things for my own good (Romans 8:28). I will hope in the Lord and trust that He'll renew my strength (Isaiah 40:31) daily to do the things I need to do. And that the testing of my faith develops perseverance, and perseverance must finish its work so that I'll be mature and complete, not lacking in anything (James 1:3-4). Have to thank God as well, entering His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise (Psalm 100:4), not be anxious about anything, but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present my requests to God. And His peace, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7). That's what I'm going to do from now on. Hallelujah. ü

Actually, there's more on my mind now, but I don't think I'm going to share them here. Some are a bit sensitive, some are too long to write about, and now just feeling too tired to recall and narrate them here. A bit of memory loss somewhat as well. Guess it's the stress. Everything should clear up after the exams end at the end of the month, I pray. Trusting in God and not leaning on my own understanding, for it can be seriously flawed at times. I know that He will straighten my paths as I acknowledge Him in every way. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8