Wedding Dinner Blues

Just came back from Kok Eng's wedding dinner a while back. It was ok I guess, managed to catch up with some old friends I have not seen in a few years. But also bored as I didn't really have anyone to talk to through the course of the dinner as all the guys were pretty much involved with helping out for the wedding dinner. Knew him from kindergarten and primary school, where we were virtually in the same class through the years. Only seperated when we went to different secondary schools and polys. He changed somewhat after the split; knew him as a quiet guy, one of the few people I hang around with in school, as I was kinda shy back then (still am, somewhat) and only stuck to a few people and not much to the others. But now, he's definitely more outgoing and confident.

As the date for the dinner loomed, felt kinda emotional, especially earlier in the day. A bit down. Guess I felt pressured to find someone to settle down with, as my sis' wedding is also coming up next year. But I know I need to be more patient and wait upon the Lord. Rushing won't really help and may even make me regret and feel worse later down the road. I know that God has a plan for me. Have to trust in His plan and wait. And at least triple-confirm with Him before I do anything or move.

"I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes." Psalm 17:6-7

Exams are over, finally.

"You are a very sensitive person and you try hard (perhaps a little too hard) to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers. But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and admired and you are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. Stop trying so hard.

You are very talented, imaginative and sensitive but you are holding back as you do not really like going it 'on your own'. In preference you would like to team up with someone, someone with similar attributes as your own, to explore - to seek out and go perhaps 'where no other man has trod before'. It is the unusual that attracts you and which will give you a sense of excitement and adventure.

You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You vehemently resist any form of pressure from outside sources, insisting on your independence as an individual. You want to be a decision maker - to make up your own mind without interference. You wish to be able to draw your own conclusions and arrive at your own decisions. You detest uniformity and mediocrity as you want to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions. Your favourite expression could well be that 'I may not always be right but I am never wrong'. You're a perfectionist and even though you may feel that the other person's point of view may be right, you find it extremely difficult to admit that you could be wrong.

You need to be respected as an exceptional individual. This is the only way that you can hope to achieve the status that you wish to achieve. You set yourself very high standards - and come what may - you abide by them"

Results of colorgenics test. Got the link from Clare's blog, so decided to try it out. Surprisingly, it's fairly accurate.

Been suffering major GAS (gear acquisition syndrome) thanks to the guys over at guitar4christ.com. Specifically for a maple Taylor. It's on the bright side, but it can definitely be heard over a band, and that's the distinct Taylor guitar sound. Going for $3850 at Sinamex. Sponsors anyone? :p Hope to get it within this year if possible. Will need a lot of God's blessings. Like what I've mentioned before in a previous post, hope to use it to inspire myself to a greater height and level, musically wise as well as from the point of a song-writer.

Ok, confession to make. Wanted to post all the stuff above on the 13th, was in the library then, but couldn't really find the time. Did type some stuff into a write file, but then again, some things are already irrelevant, as it's pertaining to matters that happened then.

Exams are finally over. Thanks, for all those who kept me in prayer and have encouraged me so far, especially Kevin (thanks bro, for putting up with me the last few weeks). Just have to wait for results in September. PBF is the only one I feel confident in, IBM and Soci, not really. Just praying I can pass and graduate next year.

Finally, I can relax and plan some of the things that are on my mind for some time. Work out for my IPPT (wanna get back to my peak), stuff for the club (exco selection and plans for next semester), work (need job to fuel guitar purchase), and my own personal matters. Have some things to explore further in the latter area. One or two loose ends to tie up, might not be pleasant, but I guess it has to be resolved before I can move on.

Sigh, there seems to be so much to say here, and I don't know where to really start. Have not blogged for a month, and now that I have more time, I feel, lost to a certain extent. What Durkheim would term anomie. Maybe it could be I'm free from my notes and stuff for the next 3 months. It's been a long 10 months or so. Might be a good chance now to reflect back on the semester and resolve some things for the next in my heart and mind. One thing is for certain, though. I have to continue to trust in God, for the things I need, for growth spiritually/mentally/emotionally. No matter what I do or where I am, I know that He has a plan for me and will never leave me nor forsake me. Need to continue seeking Him for the answers to some questions I have at the moment. Too long, have I not run to Him. It's time to start.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9