Nameless entry

For lack of a post title, I guess I'll just call it as it is, a nameless entry. Too tired to really think much now.

Work's been good so far. Though getting up at 6.30am everyday is something that will take some time to get used to. Been relying on a lot of coffee for the last couple of days to keep me awake. Getting blur and keep forgetting stuff. It's quite a bit to know, actually. Hope to be familiar with most of my work by Monday, when a colleague who's mentoring me will be leaving. Apparently, I was brought in to replace her for a period of time, while they are looking for a permanent staff. And Surbana is HUGE. Quite a lot of people in 27 floors (main tower).

Finally managed to get the wireless network up for Xinyi earlier in the week. Spent most of Monday evening trying to get it up but without success. Only after I was somehow prompted inside to call Nixon (thanks bro) onTuesday that I managed to think of a solution to solve the issue. Took the better part of 3 hours of downloading and patching Windows to service pack 2, and another half hour or so for other things and test for stability, but overall it's successful. Her family now can do without the phone line crossing 2 bedrooms, which was how it's originally been before the old modem died on them and they had to stretch the line to connect to the modem in Xinyi's room. Tired after only leaving at 11.30pm on Tuesday, but just glad I can fix their pc issues. Gonna miss Birdy though. Was getting used to hearing his voice. Kinda cute with that voice of his, with all the different noises he makes. Which parrot you know can meow like a cat or imitate a ringing telephone? Heh. All the while I thought their phone was ringing when it was really Birdy. Hope to see him again soon.

Guess I'm gonna sleep now. Need to wake up early again, then still meeting Colin in the evening to share some things. Got a couple of matters to ponder about as well, so I guess it's good night. Yet to really write out the poem I have in my head. Need a bit more inspiration and the right environment to do so. Not to mention more time. Attempted a bit on Monday, but didn't manage to finish it. A few unresolved and pressing matters to deal with also. Sigh. Really need to find my focus, as what someone told me recently, and just let go of the rest. I'm spreading myself too thin for my own good. Hope to find what I'm looking for soon.

"Rather, as servants of God, we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." 2 Corinthians 6:4-10

Found a job

Thanks to Emily who recommended me into a temp admin position at Surbana, I can finally have work and motivate myself towards my (current) dream guitar. It's still gonna be a long way off, but hope to achieve it by year's end.

Been a long week, by all accounts. Xinyi's com somehow choked again and I was asked to help out with it. At first they called up someone from the classified ads, who didn't really solve their problem (modem and Singnet connection issue, and made them really mad somewhat when he tried to mark up a router for them) and further more, he reformatted their com. So I tried to reestablish their connection before and after they got a new modem/router in place. What was supposed to be a straightforward issue turned out to be a 4 hour despair as the new modem can't seem to connect to Singnet no matter what I tried. In the end, an appointment for Saturday was fixed for their technican to come and check the line. So I popped by to help as well as do some housekeeping (reformatting their com again with their original Xp home and downloaded some anti-spyware and firewall programs). Think they are happy that now that their net connection is up again, though the wireless network is still down due to the suspected breakdown of their wireless adapter. Thank God for the reestablished connection, at least.

Meeting on Wednesday with the new excos didn't really turn out as what I expected. Clare had to cancel at the last minute as her family brought forward their departure up north to Malaysia, so she couldn't even make it for the dinner appointment. So only Earnest and Weihow came. Some ideas were thrown forth, but still, there's a lot left to be done. Sigh, can only pray that everything will turn out to be ok before the new semester for the year ones or even before the orientation in July starts.

There's a lot left in mind to write here, but it's getting late, and I'm on duty for sound in 6 hours and 10 minutes, so I guess this is goodbye for now. Having a headache as well, maybe cos of the irregular sleeping pattern for the past few days. Urgh.. Question for me to ponder now: To be or not to be? Something I've been praying a lot about recently. But the focus have to remain on God, to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.

"For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal men and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator - who is forever praised. Amen." Romans 1:21-25

I Felt You Near pt 2

Finally managed to settle Peiwen's com, which could not start up at all due to, which I suspect faulty memory channels. Cleaned up her ram modules and inserted them into the alternate channels, which solved her problem. Spent some time after that watching National Geographic on her plasma? tv (very nice) and just chit chatting. Then had to go church for MS, where Pastor Rony preached about anger management. Before he preached, he asked for a show of hands those who have not lost their anger before, that he'll like to give that person a kiss on the cheek. And a guy did come up! So he honoured his words. But seriously, think we all have to learn from that person, and control our anger. Just like God is slow to anger and abounding in love. And like what Pastor Rony says, we Christians can afford it, to not lose our anger.

Spent time in Jon's cafe with my guitar on Friday afternoon, despite that I was already awake for around 24 hours at that time. Wanted to do some songwriting. Decided to work on something I wrote back in March, a sort of poem called I Felt You Near. When I tried to accompany it with music, I felt that more verses needed to be written, which I did. Managed to put together a song in about an hour or so, though it might need further work.

A sadness, deep in my eyes
Troubled thoughts infinitely wide
Dazed living in lonesome company
Time sees to pass so slowly

Standing still, in this quiet room
Nothing else but this lonely chair
Sitting down, something caught my eye
A light shining like none other

Then I felt Your presence near me
Filling my heart with Your love
A lifetime of peace and joy to be found
The promise of Your Word

I find that I can't live without You
I need to hold on to Your light
Words cannot express what I feel inside
All I know is
I Felt You Near
- © Jonathan Chia, 15th June 2007

Somehow, when I sang it, it reminded me of another song, which I could not put my finger to. Jon thought it sounded like a cantonese song. As I tried to think about that other song something later, it just came to mind. Realised what I wrote sounded similiar to "I Simply Live For You", at least in some parts. That's why I mentioned above it might need further work. Chords were G, D, Em, Bm, C, G, Am, D.

Wanted to post this up before I head to bed. Kinda tired even though I've been awake for only 14 hours or so. Guess it's the 'jet lag' from the previous day. Well, it's gonna be a brand new day later. Called to be on standby to serve for the 11am service again, as well as for Friday, when Pastor Peter Chu comes to church. Should be able to, I think. Just have to wake up early in the morning to go to church. Want to leave you, my dear reader, with something to think about. That who are we, that God so loved that He came to the earth to die for our sins, that He cares to know each and every single one of us, that He cares to feel every single hurt we have, that He cares for our future, that He loves us so much despite our shortcomings and failures and our unfaithfulness to Him. That's God as He is, ever faithful, ever loving, and always there in every situation. Always, dear reader, be mindful of God's presence in your life, and always hold on to Him.

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" Psalm 8:3-4

Faithful Friend

Everyone knows you as a man of honor
I am glad to know you simply as a friend
You've always taken time to be my brother
And I'll be standing by you in the end

And I'll never put you on a pedestal
I thank the Lord for everything you do
I'll be there to pray for you
And for the ones you love
I believe that He'll finish
All He started in you

I wil be an open door that you can count on
Anywhere you are, anywhere you've been
I will be an honest heart you can depend on
I will be a faithful friend

I am one of many whose path has been made clearer
By the light you carry faithfully
As a warrior and a child
God has used you greatly
To encourage and inspire
You remain a true friend all the while

So I will never put you on a pedestal
Cos we both know all the glory is the Lord's
I'll be there to pray that He will keep you by His grace
And I always will remind you
To be seeking His face

I will be an open door that you can count on
Anywhere you are, anywhere you've been
I will be an honest heart you can depend on
I will be a faithful friend

Should it ever come your time to mourn
I will wept with you
And every single time you win
I'm celebrating too
I will celebrate with you

I will be an open door that you can count on
Anywhere you are, anywhere you've been
I will be an honest heart you can depend on
I will be a faithful friend
- Steven Curtis Chapman & Twila Paris

Was reminded of this song lately. Really nice song that I first heard a couple of years back from a good sister of mine. Both singers are really good, to say the least. This song makes me think of all the true friends I have in my life, who stick close through the thick and thin, always providing support in times of bad, and who encourage me in the good times as well. And I think, I am very fortunate to have them in my life. Also makes me think about another issue, but I guess I have to pray more about it. Still seeking an answer from God about it.

Kinda weird to be posting so "early" in the morning. By all accounts, I should be fast asleep, but yet, I was wide awake through the night. Considering that I woke up at 4pm.. Ah well, vacation is like that for me, very nocturnal. Was at Xinyi's place the night before cos her com acted up again. This time, the placement holders for the graphics card in her casing being the culprit. Had a hard time trying to remove the card before I decided to remove the holders completely and managed to reinstall the card in the end. Only problem is there's no screw to secure the card in place, so now it's kinda hanging from the AGP slot. Tried to use the screws from the placement holders but they can't fit. Praying it won't be a problem, but to be on the safe side, am thinking of using one of the spare screws I have from my com to secure the card. Just have to see when she's free again.

Also, there's Peiwen's com to troubleshoot as well tomorrow afternoon. After installing a new graphics card for her, now her ram seems to be acting up. Ah well. Should not be a problem, unless it's the motherboard in which case I'll need to call for more help (from Sean). Ah well.. just hope to solve whatever I can.

Guess I have to go now. Need to head to school for a performance and maybe some negotiation with another club later. There's also a performance at the esplanade to catch in the early evening. Looks like it's gonna be a day of tea and coffee for me.

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:7-8

Called to serve at the last minute, part ∞

Ok, maybe not that exaggerated. But was asked by Nehemiah to serve for the 7pm service when I popped by for the worship session after fixing Pw's com. Which is still a bit not ok, but hoping Sean will email me the stuff to settle it soon. Graphics card issue again, like Xinyi's, but Pw's card was badly rusted. Maybe cos she moved to the east coast area recently. Ah well. Just hope the new card she bought from the run to Sim Lim will last her. Bobby Michaels live was awesome. Starting to like his songs a lot, and just borrowed a couple of his cds from Liyen during lunch after the 11am service, where I was serving as well (i'm a poor humble student, hence the borrowing of cds to "ahem" :p). Really felt that it's a good day overall, and felt blessed and joyful. Saw Colin during the service also, and he gave me a ride to Tampines central (where I had a late dinner) after I finished closing up the sound system and the other stuff. Really long day, but a good one :)

Decided to list down the books I have stacked on my table, to get the ball rolling on my R&R - running and reading program. With reservist looming, I NEED to run and get back in shape. I want my gold award and $400! Ok, here we go.

• The Starbucks Experience - Joseph A. Michelli
• Quest For Love - Elizabeth Elliot
• How to have a meaningful quiet time - Rick Warren
• Crunch Point - Brian Tracy
• Persuasion - Jane Austen
• God, the devil and Harry Potter - John Killinger
• Exploring Worship - Bob Sorge
• Riding the Storm - John de Jong (thanks, Sharon)
• The Secret of Loving - Josh McDowell
• The Return of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
• Winning With People - John C. Maxwell
• The Difference Maker - John C. Maxwell
• Secrets of Self-made Millionaires - Adam Khoo
• Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
• Spiritual Character - Lance Lambert
• The Comforter - Brian J. Bailey
• Dating With Passion - Rob Eagar
• It's About the Money - Rev. Jesse L. Jackson, SR & Jesse L. Jackson, JR
• The 360 degree leader - John C. Maxwell
• Winning - Jack Welch & Suzy Welch
• Jack Welch and the 4E's of Leadership - Jeffrey A. Krames

Other books I want to revisit again soon

• Choosing Wisely In Life - Buddy Harrison
• I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris
• Boy Meets Girl - Joshua Harris
• Every man, God's man - Stephen Arterburn and Kenny Luck
• Iron Man - Neivelle Tan (good book bout local gangster in 60s turned pastor!)
• More Than A Carpenter - Josh McDowell (on loan to Cat at the moment)

Also, there are like 4 books that I borrowed from Colin a long time ago. Kept forgetting about them and only started on one recently. Sigh, long list of stuff to read. I need a bigger bookshelf!! Note to self - stop buying books until I clear the reading. But manga don't count :p Guess I'll start the ball rolling with Colin's books first. Felt bad about holding on to them for so long. Me and my short term memory. Ah well. Time to be a bookworm again.

Been praying for a job as well, and have been asking around. Guess if no offers come in soon, I'll ask Jiayan to enquire for me the position at her old place, to do admin-related stuff. Pay's not too bad, just a bit short of what I'm looking for, but still better than nothing. Taylor, here I come!

"But what does it say? 'The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,' that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, 'Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.' " Romans 10:8-11

As I Run Through The Days

Thank You, O Lord
For everything in my life
As I run through the days
Founded by Your love for us
How You touched me in ways
No one else ever can
I renew my faith in You
In all my daily prayers
Running to You
Seeking Your gentle touch
Never will I forget
How You've never abandoned
Or forsaken me in times of need
Forgive me, O Lord, my sins and trespasses
As I walk the path You've laid for me
Amen

Something I wrote almost 3 years ago, in July 2004 to be exact. Around the time I started to come back to God after so many years of running away from Him. Sometimes, now, I do find myself doing that. Especially when I feel desperately insecure or lonely. I would do things to keep myself busy, like hit the arcade or go catch a movie alone. Therapies that only last a short while before the feelings come back to haunt me over and again. It's painful, to say the least. For one who often think back to the past hurts and brood over them, it's slow torture. And I admit, it does inhibit what I think about the future ahead. Makes me feel, well, lousy... to put a word to it. Low self-esteem, insecurity, temper, impatience... List seems to go on. Just feel that I need someone I can depend on in my life, someone who just will not let me down regardless of the circumstances, who will always be there in times of good and bad.

Such times, I will think of the Lord. Sometimes immediately, sometimes only after brooding for a while. I need to continue to trust in Him more, especially for my future. Trust in His timing for the things He has planned for my life. I know He will never let me down, I know that He is forever faithful, even when I seem to lack in faith. I guess it's human nature to be distrusting after being hurt so many times before. With God, I need to trust Him more. But yet sometimes, I do hold back and stand still there. Could be that I've not yielded myself completely to Him. I guess, I can only pray, that His tender mercies will always be present in my life... and that He'll lead me to beside the still waters...

I guess, I've been bottling up too many things recently. Stress from my exams still need an outlet to be released, some recent hurts, and some thoughts about the future as well. Need to let it all out, and just cry out to God. Just.. let Him take care of my life, because I know He cares for me. Now, I just don't know what to write anymore. Just kept crying and just want to be in His presence. So I guess this is goodnight...

"Do good to your servant, and I will live; I will obey your word. Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. I am a stranger on earth; do not hide your commands from me. My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times." Psalm 119:17-20

Busy holidays

Considering that it's my vacation now, I still find myself almost up to my neck doing stuff. Ok, some of it was personal, but there were other matters that were asked of me. Meeting with Eliz, Kenneth, and Caroline on tuesday to discuss about how to promote the club in school, for one. Some interesting ideas thrown about, but ultimately, will require commitment, which I'm not entirely sure the club can provide as a whole. Sigh, really have to develop a culture of commitment and a higher degree of formality, which is lacking a bit, I think. Can be hard when everyone seems to want to go home right after the lessons end and not stay back in the room to jam or practice and have dinner together afterwards. Seems to be the general perception that SIM has nothing to offer besides an education. Can't really be blamed, given the layout of school. It's not really meant for student activities in the first place.

Finally have a sense of closure regarding the things that happened a few months back. Things were talked through, and barriers seem to be broken. But it still won't mean that everything is back to normal. Don't even think that it can. Things may end up distant, though maybe not as much as in the last few months.

Was asked to fix Xinyi's com the same day as well. Seems like her graphics card blew; fan wasn't working when I went over to check. And she was rather flustered about it as she was trying to apply for something online and needed her com badly. With Challenger at East Point only selling PCI-E cards (her motherboard only supported AGP), it seems that the only option was to head to Sim Lim the next day to get it. Went to the PC show to recee for stuff that I was interested to get before heading to Bugis to meet her. Big mistake, I guess. Being a public holiday, the place was PACKED. It's like sardines all being squeezed in a can, a giant one at that, lol. Anyway, got the card and went back to her place to plug it in. Thank God it all worked ok after that, given my rusty experience with replacing computer hardware. Had to settle some driver installations and the uninstalling of the old ones as well, but everything turned out ok. Surprising how technology is becoming so much cheaper. 4 years ago my GF4 Ti 4200 cost like 200 odd. The card that she bought was GF FX 5500, going for $53 in Sim Lim -_-" Ah well. One should be content with what he/she has. Though, from a musician's point of view, this is an exception rather than a rule. How I feel, at least :p

Went back to the PC Show earlier in the day as well. Decided on a WD 80GB portable harddisk. Wanted to get a higher capacity, but some recent news made me think twice and consider hard about my future storage needs. Sigh. It's bound to happen, I guess. Decided against getting a router and just go for the wifi connector, since that's about all I need. Funz wasn't selling the model I was looking for, so have to go back again tomorrow. Hope it's worth it. Don't really want to spend another 30 bucks getting something I might not use in its entirety. 'Sides, my guitar fund needs more inputs. Praying that Kevin's aunt will contact me soon and she will need me for many many many hours.

"What a man desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar. The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble." Proverbs 19:22-23