Fix You

Been listening to this song quite a bit since I asked Yap for Coldplay songs. And there's something about this particular one that I like. Hmm, may use it for September's performance. Provided I can get the right vocalist to do it. Might not be easy to sing, especially the last part.

Anyway, didn't really do much today. Just lazed around after I woke up at almost 2pm. Tried playing Fix You, and I guess the chords I found sounds ok. Just that my vocals don't really match up. Just found out from Michelle during MS that I have to submit the form for church membership tomorrow. Which meant I had to buy Sure Foundation and read it and complete the questions found on the form by tonight. Which means the 2nd sleepless night in a row. Sigh. Just hope to finish it soon, after I blog this. Kinda tired actually, but no choice. Hope to be able to catch some winks later on. Also want to start on the new journal I got. Just hope to be able to write something into it everyday. My new companion for the days.

Speaking of songs, reminds me. My turn to lead worship for this coming week's cell. And Aaron wants about an hour's worth, since it's the first week of the month. Just praying that my vocals can last that long without breaking. Tendency to break if I try to sing nowadays. Have to think of the songs I want to do as well. Might try a couple of lesser known ones (to the cell members). Thinking of playing I Wanna Be With You, and Strength And Peace, at least. Problem is, how to integrate with the other songs. Have to think of a song list and work the order around, as well as how many songs Aaron want.

Feeling better after the sleep from last night. Still hanging on my mind a bit in the afternoon, and right now even. Guess I have to continue to seek God and ask for more wisdom to handle it, the steps to take. And to trust in Him more.

"Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him and afflicted." Isaiah 53:4

Baby's finally home

Finally got back my guitar from Maestro yesterday. Reason for buzzing strings apparently came from uneven frets. Oh well, just hope it won't happen again. Bumped into Simin at the shop. Haven't seen her for a while, so chatted a bit. She'll be heading down to Sim on wednesday and on thursday to oversee the sales, so will catch up with her again then. Reminds me, need to get a tuner. Mine died of mercury poisoning (from exploded battery, which tainted the circuit board). Sigh. Relying on the old fashioned tuning fork at the moment. Can't say that I enjoy using it, even though I've been using it for such a long time. Anyway, Joshua tempted me to upgrade my guitar to a Timothy. Which will cost something in the range of $700-$800. Hmm, honestly, I might just take his advice. That means I'll have to let my baby go. He also tempted me with his Taylor 710, for $2k. I'm like, ouch. No way I can afford that. Even with installments. Guess I'll have to let it pass, unless somehow, my sales pick up to a point where I can be financially stable enough. Then again, I need a laptop also, to make my upcoming projects easier to manage and handle. Like what I mentioned before, I love gadgets. Just can't afford them. My mum's already complaining about the amount of stuff I have in my room, especially my guitars. Needs vs wants. Hmm.

Received word from Sean about the status of his office. Looks like it'll be up on tuesday, and I can finally move on with this current assignment. Will need to think up more ways to put his plan into action by then. Praying for new and innovative ideas.

Guess I'll end here. Still a bit lazy to post up the photos from my hp. I'll try and do so soon. Want to end with a sort of poem that Paul Simon wrote in 1966 (if I remember correctly).

What a dream I had
Pressed in organdy
Clothed in crinoline
Of smoky burgundy
Softer than the rain

I wandered empty streets
Down past the shop displays
I hear cathedral bells
Tripping down the alleyways
As I walked on
- © Paul Simon

Really love this. There's more to this poem, but I guess I don't want to post it for now. Anything I write down here, is very reflective of my heart and of my thoughts. Maybe I'll post the whole thing when the right time comes. For now, I need guidance from the Lord. More than anything, right now. This moment in time, to lay in the shelter of His wings. More than anything...

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again raise me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again. I will praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, O my God; I will sing praise to you with the lyre, O Holy One of Israel" Psalm 71:20-22

Tired feet

Walked around town earlier today, hence tired feet. Was at SGH for my appointment with my specialist earlier in the afternoon. And the worst thing that happened was that the NEL can't get to Outram Park cos of a technical fault. So was forced to stop at Dhoby Ghault. Was already late, so didn't bother about the free shuttle buses SBS provided. Tried to catch a cab, but none were willing to stop. It's only when I called for one, that the cab driver explained that it's no longer possible to stop on the stretch of road outside PS. Ouch. Saw a lady who accidently sliced her finger while handling sushi from Sakae also waiting for a cab outside PS. Wanted to offer her a ride to Raffles Hospital (her company's medical is handled by Raffles Group), but she declined. Double ouch (cos of her condition).

Doc told me to go for another blood test a week before seeing him again in October. Mentioned something about creatinine levels, and that it can lead to kidney damage. Have to take better care. Just hoping that everything will be fine. Oh, and apparently I lost weight. Had to weigh myself before I saw the doc, and comparing with my weight from almost 2 months back, I somehow lost 1.3kg. So I'm like 57.2kg now. Not too good. Back in the underweight category again. Somehow, I'll have to find a way to put on a few more kilos.

Went down to Maestro after the appointment. Told Huang Te that I needed my guitar by thursday, which he said should not be a problem. Supposed to meet with Paul and Huimei, but that got cancelled as she needed to take a break. Guess I'll use for cell worship then. Have not used my guitar to play for worship for a long time.

Dropped by Esplanade next to return a book to the library, and popped by Art Cafe for a bit to grab a snack, which turned out to be my dinner in the end. Didn't expect the jumbo hotdog to be filling. Went to the rooftop next to catch a bit of the breeze. Coincidently, it happened to be about sunset, so took some shots.

Sunset framed by the buildings and the trees

Closer shot of the pool

Something about the shot captivated me

Actually, I got more shots, especially in my hp, including shots of sunset from the Marina Square foodcourt from a week and a half back. But kinda lazy to upload it now. A bit troublesome to take the memory card out of my hp and use the memory card reader that I borrowed from Nixon sometime back. Have to return it to him soon. So have to find another way to bring my images and smses and phone book into my com to back up. The bluetooth adaptor I borrowed from Jasmine last time seems to have some conflict with the software Nokia provided, though I suspect it's more of the latter. Always having some issue with it. Sigh. Oh well. I'll see how it goes after I get a bluetooth adaptor later on when I start getting paid from work. Still have to save up for my planned trip next year. A lot more to go in terms of cash flow. Won't mind sponsors though :p

So yeah, walked to Marina Square after Esplanade to look the bank. Wanted to deposit some part of my allowance before I get tempted and spend a chunk of it. Passed by some nice restaurants at the first level of Marina Square en route to the bank, so might drop by for a dinner next time. Rather quiet as well. Which was what I was trying to look for all evening. Quiet place for a dinner, and for talking. Went about some parts of Marina Square, Suntec, and went back to Funan as well before heading home. Wasn't really wearing shoes (wore sandals for my appointment, in case my doc wanted to check my feet), so a bit of soreness in my feet. Not too bad. Would have worn shoes if I knew my feet won't be examined, which happened in my last appointment.

Life seems to be getting more busy. Just got informed by Sean that the ad needs to be out by this week. And I'll have to oversee the advanced players audition by Joshua on wednesday evening. Supposed to be in the mid afternoon, but just got a sms from him a while ago that he can only make it around 6pm. And I still have to call up the members to inform them about the venue and time. Just emailed Caroline the new timing, so I guess I'll have to call her in the morning when I get up. I'll need grace and time management and prayer that I won't burn out. Like I told some of my friends, I'll have to juggle school lessons and work, work for Sean, church/ministry, guitar club stuff, and my social life. Won't be easy, but I'm believing that with God, all things are possible. Amen.

Still got things on my mind that I have to think about, and talk about. Just praying that God will lead me in this process. For without Him, my world will crumble. Something I learned the hard way during my years of back-sliding. And like I mentioned before in this blog, I have no wish to head back to that way of life, or way of thinking, that is, a life without God. The poems I wrote back then are a testimony to my life back then, I guess (check the 2nd link called poems on the right). Wayward emotions expressed in the only way I knew how then, poetry (some good, but there's also the bad, but I think it's generally more of the latter). Maybe that's why I've not really written much of them since I came back to the Lord. Ok, I did write some, but they are lost somewhere. To those who don't know, I scribble them into notebooks, and I have quite a few of them lying around in my room (and I always carry one or two around with me). Don't think they'll ever see the light of day now. Might be painful if I do go dig them out and read or even publish online. Guess only the ones I write from now on will be found here. But then again, I'll need the inspiration to write, which I'm looking out for, now. Hope to find it soon in my life (especially something good ü).

"From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I" Psalm 61:2

Collide

Just felt like listening to this song this evening. Cos it was sung at Art Cafe's Open Mic session earlier in the evening? Not really, it's more of the lyrics. One particular line that got me thinking about something someone wrote to me about nearly 2 weeks back, just thinking whether it's the same song or not. Never really found out. I guess I will, soon. Nice song, played it last year during the student week performance with Yong'an in school. Same 4 chords throughout.

Actually, there's another song I kept thinking about as well recently. Corrinne May's Every Beat Of My Heart. Really nice song. But as with most of her songs, there's no score/tab/chords to be found anywhere on the net (yet). So I can't play it on my guitar. Arrange it? I'm not that good. But it's relatively easy, I would think. Just that I don't have the skill for it :p Lyrics below:

So here we stand
Anchored in hope
Letting the rain wash away every fear
Stars in the sky
Twinkle and shine
I pray they won't disappear

'Cause I don't know
Where your journey goes
Or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I will be watching over every beat of your heart

I wish that time
Could be replayed
I'd keep you here with me everyday
They say that love is letting go
I hope that you find your way

'Cause I don't know
Where your journey goes
Or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I know you're watching over every beat of my heart
© Corrinne May

Song's kinda sad, in a way. But I really like the lyrics and think the music really fits the lyrics well. Kinda fits me, in a sense, at least a bit. Another song is Complicated Heart, by Michael Learns To Rock. Ok, so now I'm thinking of 3 nice songs in my head. Hmm. Actually, there's more. Stephen Bishop's It Might Be You is one of them. There's others, but don't want to list them here (particularly one that's 40 years old, as it'll give me away). Working on being able to play this one a while back. Stopped for now, as things started to get busy and I don't really have the time to practice guitar, which could also be one of the reasons why my guitar is still lying in Maestro now, sigh. Some really nice songs I would love to play (and be able to play) and sing, for someone, one day. Just need to brush up my playing and vocals more ü Someone teach me how to sing properly!

Saw a poster for this at Art Cafe earlier. Got me interested. Until I saw the requirements for photo submission. 4mp camera needed, which I don't have. 12R sized + printed on glossy + laminated, which will cost quite a bit. Sigh, guess I'll have to wait till I get a better camera and more acquainted with photography stuff before I can start joining contests/competitions. Anyway, it's like 3.38am now, according to my com's clock. Time to spend time with God, then head to bed. It's another brand new day ahead, and practice time with Paul and Huimei at SMU, then cell later in the evening.

"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one" 2 Thessalonians 3:3

Paparazzi in the midst

Ok, like I promised, here's the photos from last week's outing with Joyce and co. Shots are from Sam's cam, and mine as well; still waiting for Seb's shots to be sent to me.

Birthday girl with cake

Closeup of cake

Seb and Me

Joyce, Eliz and Sam

Sam should work for the paparazzi

I can't believe this shot existed

Me with Today and my mug of Starbucks Hot Chocolate

Got shot again

I'm just a small fry and I get shot at from the paparazzi in the midst (Sam). Though I suspect Seb might have some as well, heh. Oh well. Taste of my own medicine, I guess :p Many have been shot by my candid camera as well, for fun actually. Err, better not post them up, else I'll have people banging on my door. Just kidding. Most of them are fine with it, some even laughed. For those who don't know, I enjoy taking very natural expressions. I feel it really compliments the person (for the good shots). But for those who have an issue, let me know and I'll get rid of the shots.

Called Maestro earlier in the day, and found out that my baby's gonna be ready at the end of next week at the earliest. I'm like, crap. I need my guitar for rehearsal with Paul and Huimei on thursday at SMU. Sigh, and Paul only got one acoustic. Guess I'll have to borrow my dad's. Hope he won't mind. I still have no idea what Huimei intends to go through on thursday. Looks like I'll have to call her and find out. And I still don't know like, 99% of the songs she sent me -_-"

Finally managed to get my feelings settled a bit. At least I don't feel as anxious as before, regarding them, now that I know what's going on. Have to exercise patience now and ease into this season of waiting ü And seek the Lord first, and all other things after.

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5

My baby's sick

Can hardly believe it's only been a week since my last post. Number of things happened, so pardon me if it's a long post :p

Planning for orientation, which was on yesterday and the day before, was ok. Did manage to achieve what we planned out I think, and the intake of 31 new people wasn't too much, nor too little, in my opinion. There's still another recruitment in September, so definitely there'll be more people coming in. Throw in the possibility of people who just took our fliers and emailing us within the next few weeks, I think it's safe to say we'll have a fairly sizeable club in the upcoming year. Of course, I can't miss out on last year's batch, which retained around 10-20 people, as well. Looks like the department idea can be fulfilled this time around. Will need to sit down and plan some more later on.

Managed to sit down (or rather walk around) and talk to Sean over work, and he wants me to help him in his consumer sector first before transferring to the corporate side later on when it's up. Will be managing a small team of people together with his brother to go around estates putting up advertisements? At least that's what he wanted me to go do. Hmm, hope I'll be able to manage it. Am kinda free at the moment, but still have things on hand to do, like for guitar. Speaking of which, my baby's sick at the moment. Strings started to buzz on tuesday, so I had to bring it down to Maestro yesterday. Sigh, just hope it'll get well soon. Still under warranty, so there shouldn't be any costs involved, I hope. Guess it's the way I changed my strings last month. It's like my first time changing acoustic strings, so I was pretty nervous bout the whole process, especially when it involved a $24 set of strings. Ouch. Not cheap, but it lasts for about 6 months or so. And my last set was nice. Though I SHOULD have bought from Sinemax instead of Luther. I can't seem to find 80/20 Bronze strings Polyweb on Elixer's website. Fake? Possible. Sigh. Guess I will have to get from Sinemax next time around, though it's a bit out of the way for me.

Managed to finally celebrate Joyce's birthday last night with Seb, Eliz, and Sam at Glutton's Bay. Happy belated birthday, sis. Ordered a number of dishes, so we pigged out, lol. And that showed when I woke up this morning with a sore throat. Oh boy.. We hung around Starbucks chitchatting and reading newspapers and becoming paparazzi, shooting each other with cameras. I got a number of, ahem, "natural" shots taken of me -_-" Still have not seen them yet, as they have not sent it out. I'll post them up once I get them.

Celebrated dad's birthday as well on sunday. Went to Soup Kitchen at Compass Point to have dinner. Been a while since we all came out together to eat, so it's nice. Not a big fan of chinese traditional chinese food, but well, it's not often I get to eat it either. And I can't really eat everything either, due to my gout and cough. Praying for complete healing. Pray with me too, my dear readers ü Been raining the whole afternoon on sunday, which got me stuck in an area. Didn't really want to leave, as I wanted to read. Finally started on Every Man, God's Man, which Seb gave me for my birthday last year. Nice book. I'd highly recommend it for guys. Talks about living your live for God, His way.

Terence managed to drop by Singapore with Amanda last week. Missed him a lot, so we caught up on friday at Bugis in the afternoon, while Amanda shopped. Shared some things here and there. He's kinda tired out though, as he didn't really get much rest from the travelling, not to mention the walking around with Amanda, heh. The four days did pass by too fast for my liking. Hope to see him again soon. Maybe I should take a trip up to KL and pay him a visit. Cell trip perhaps? Then we can crash at his place, lol.

Overall, it's been a nice weekend. Not gonna go into specifics, as it'll be too much to post here. Surreal, but nice ü

"Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us." 1 John 3:21-24

Call of Duty over

Finally, the call is over. Finally, was homeward bound. Yes, it was over since last friday, and this post should be before my last one, but I needed some time to gather some of my thoughts about my reservist. It's been ok, I guess. Managed to catch up with some of my old friends from my army days, though not all turned up. And caught a cold/bad cough in the midst of it. Cold's about gone, but the cough's still lingering somewhat. Better than last week, when it caused my abdominals to hurt badly. Now, it's just the cough. Should cut down totally on cold drinks, but with the hot weather, couldn't really resist sometimes. Heh, I have to from now on I guess. Been avoiding chicken as well. So there goes my diet, again, albeit temporary.

I did keep a journal of sorts for my 12 days spent in camp. But it's kinda long. Think it might just take up an entire page here if I do post it, so guess I'll edit it before I post it up, another day next week perhaps. Been writing it outfield as well (not to mention bringing books out to read), and some of the guys thought I was nuts. Heh, better than just sitting there doing nothing and getting bitten by mosquitoes. Well, at least I can do some reading and get bitten, lol. Ok, kinda lame. But that's what happened. Didn't really read much, just stuff here and there. Borrowed a Gideon's Bible from my dad's collection of books and brought it out with me. Small enough to tuck into the back pouch of my sbo, so managed to bring it out on trips with me to read.

Just something I wrote, during the period of reflecting on sunday.

Sad Eyes

Don't know why, all these times past
Happening all over again, plunge down the depths
So heavy my emotions, trying to take over
Wishing for a way out, up towards the heavens
Towards where love flows

Sad eyes on my face
Filled with sorrow and loss
Filled with tears of hurt
Just waiting for you to come
To dry my tears and heal my hurts
And take my sad eyes away

Oh Lord come, and take my sad eyes away

©2006 Jonathan Chia, 2nd July 2006

I guess I'm too emotional. All I can do is to commit it to the Lord and let Him take care of it. Been trying to do that for the last few days, and there's a bit of progress, I think. But I don't think I can be fully rational in my thoughts or ways. All I can be is a controlled person emotionally, by God's Grace. And He will lead me, to where He wants me to be, and what He wants me to be. I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. (Psalm 130:5)

"I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God." Psalm 38:15

Who Am I?

• A guy who's very emotional and sentimental
• A guy who can feel insecure and needs security in his life
• A guy who's tense and worries a lot
• A guy who wants to care for others before self and touch their lives
• A guy who's bad at judging and understanding character
• A guy who's too nice
• A guy who's too insensitive at times
• A guy who's simple-minded
• A guy who needs wisdom
• A guy who needs to pray more and focus on God more
• A guy who needs to work on his weaknesses and focus on his strengths
• A guy who can be selfish at times
• A guy who can be single-minded and stubborn
• A guy who plunges into things easily at times
• A guy who loves God and wants to understand and love Him more
• A guy who yearns for companionship and needs to be more patient
• A guy who wants to trust God more
• A guy who's a sucker for romance
• A guy who's trying to let God take control of his life
• A guy who plays the guitar, though not as good as some people say or think
• A guy who loves music, especially love songs and oldies
• A guy who's been a gamer all his life
• A guy who loves nature and scenary
• A guy who loves photography and shots of nature and natural expressions and abstract objects
• A guy who writes poetry and songs to express his thoughts and feelings
• A guy who loves rollerblading at the park
• A guy who loves anime, especially of a romance nature
• A guy who loves reading, especially comics and manga and christian books
  
• A guy who loves bowling though he's not good at it or bowls often
• A guy who loves gadgets and computer hardware though he can't afford them
• A guy who likes to sing even though he feels he sucks at it
• A guy who values honesty a lot in his life
• A guy who tries to take the interests of the people around him to heart
• A guy who needs to study harder in the upcoming school year
• A guy who's learning how to be a better soundman in church and serve God better
• A guy who needs to learn how to reach out to the unsaved souls around him
• A guy who tries to be humble and imitate Christ's humility
• A guy who tries to protect and care for the people he knows
• A guy who will lay his life down for his friends and family if needed
• A guy who gets down/depressed when things go wrong or when sick
• A guy who needs to be more positive in his thinking
  
• A guy who's a hopeless romantic
• A guy who needs to slow down and smell the roses once in a while
• A guy who can be proud at times
• A guy who loves to brisk walk when alone
• A guy who thinks too much at times
• A guy who can't live without people in his life
• A guy who's been a loner for half his life
• A guy who needs to be more disciplined in some areas of his life
• A guy who's gentle and soft
• A guy who has been disadvantaged before by others cos of his weaknesses
• A guy who needs peace and quiet once in a while
• A guy who needs to understand himself better before trying to understand others
• A guy who's trying to find out and know what love is
• A guy who tries to read the Bible everyday
• A guy who's trying not to let his emotions overwhelm and run his life
• A guy who needs to be molded by God
• A guy who's trying to find out God's will for his life
• A guy who needs to learn how to worship God better
• A guy who needs to build a better foundation in his spiritual life
• A guy who stutters in his speech and talks too fast
• A guy who's a chinese and sucks terribly in his mother tongue
• A guy who needs to be brutally honest with himself
• A guy who's suffering from gout and thus has a very restricted diet
• A guy who needs to communicate better with the people around him
• A guy who will lend a listening ear in times of need
• A guy who needs the strength and peace of God in his life
• A guy who dislikes smoking
• A guy who's against going to clubs/discos
• A guy who dislikes profanities even though he used a lot of it in his army days
• A guy who hates too much stress and heavy pressure
• A guy who dislikes constant nagging
• A guy who'd rather give in than argue and ruin things
• A guy who's spoilt a lot in his childhood days
• A guy who can be forgetful and absentminded
• A guy who's just trying to be himself
• A guy who simply can't hide his emotions
• A guy who sometimes takes things for granted
• A guy who's sort of a jack-of-all-trades and master of none.
• A guy who can be shy and quiet
  
• A guy, who's simply, just a guy known as Jonathan Chia

An attempt to understand myself better. Comments are welcome. Came up with this list after about 1½ hours of self-reflection and thinking at Delifrance Singpost center. Needed someplace quiet to have my dinner and think and self-reflect (thanks, Em, for the suggestion). After the events of the past week, and after the talk with Xm, felt this is something I had to do. If I can't understand myself better, there's no way I can even start to understand God or the people around me. Guess it's time to really allow God to mold me and live to glorify God. Re-reading "Boy Meets Girl", I came across this:

Living to glorify God means doing everything...
for Him,
His way,
to point to His greatness
and reflect His goodness

© Joshua Harris

I'm a very emotional person, as some of you readers know. And sometimes my emotions overwhelm me to the point of sorrow. When that happens, it brings me to my knees and I start to feel numb and start thinking about all the bad memories in my life. I have no wish for this thing to run my life anymore. Have to pray to surrender all my emotions to the Lord and let His will instead rule in my life. Have to start focusing on Him and work on the gifts He has given me. Only then, can I start to understand Him better, as well as understand the people around me better.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33